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“Well… Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! And you, you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she’s the Chosen One, but you’re killing her with the pressure! I mean, she’s sixteen going on forty! And you! I mean, you’re gonna live forever! You don’t have time for a cup of coffee?! Okay, I don’t feel better now, and we’ve gotta help Buffy.”

Like this is going to stop her.

Things have been quiet on the old Hellmouth. Maybe something is brewing in the aftermath of the Anointed One’s death, maybe there’s an apocalypse coming, maybe there’s some witches or something in the wings, but all of that is a definite maybe. Buffy couldn’t care less. Downtime is not a common thing in her world. She’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. However, while the Scoobies chill out to a selection of Bollywood’s greatest hits, across town a girl comes crashing through a plate glass window and jumps off a balcony. It’s classic horror movie ““ a scared girl running from an unseen horror, tripping and falling, and ending up in a graveyard. This is Buffy’s cinematic inspiration.

Unlike Buffy, she doesn’t get away. The girl, Callie, runs into a group of hooded men in the graveyard who drag her back to their lair ““ which happens to be a frathouse.

TMAS, Willow and Buffy are breaking down the current status of the Buffy-Angel relationship. Aside from some very detailed dreams, there is no status for the Buffy-Angel relationship. We’re still in the will-they-or-won’t-they stage, something I remember being quite involved with during the show’s initial run. Willow seems just as invested in their star-crossed romance, suggesting that they have potential — but maybe only after sundown.

Giles could care less. In fact, what he desperately cares about is Buffy’s downtime. That is, that she has some:

Just because the paranormal has been more normal and less”¦ para lately, that is no excuse for tardiness or letting your guard down.

Poor Buffy. She still wants to be a normal girl and the Slayer. Why can’t she moon over Angel and kill vampires (hint: because it makes dating one awkward!)? The two of them fight over the same things all the time ““ he wants her to be a proper Slayer and she wants to be a proper teenager. Neither of them have truly mastered compromise.

Still smarting over getting dressed down by Giles, Buffy somehow gets shanghaied into meeting one of Cordelia’s college-aged male friends. When the normal seeming one of the pair asks her to go a party, she actually considers it for a minute. Later on, it doesn’t take much arm twisting for Cordelia to convince her to go to the party anyway.

During her evening patrol, Buffy hits on two important things; first, there’s a broken ID bracelet in the graveyard that has blood on it and two, Angel can smell blood that can’t be seen with the naked eye.

I kid, I kid! The second important thing is that Angel has it bad for her, but he’s afraid to pursue their attraction to each other. He rightly points out that he’s 241 to her 16, and that she’s a Slayer and he’s a vampire. Oof, I remember why I was so invested in their relationship. I want to fan myself through this entire exchange:

ANGEL: Listen. If we date you and I both know one thing’s going to lead to another. Then what?

BUFFY: Then”¦ whatever, I don’t know, might be nice to find out. But you want to end it before it’s begun. Fine.

ANGEL: It’s a fairy tale. Only when I kiss you you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.

BUFFY: No. When you kiss me I want to die.

Remember that girl who was running through the graveyard earlier? Yeah, she’s chained in the basement of the frathouse with Cordelia’s boyfriend of the week, who seems to be an obnoxious demon worshipper. I bet he likes Ayn Rand too.

Buffy drops off Callie’s bracelet with Giles and Willow at the library. She begs off of investigating for the evening because she has, uh, homework! And, uh, her mom is sick! And she doesn’t feel so well either, cough, cough.  Willow agrees to help Giles investigate the bracelet and cover up Buffy’s partygoing ways, though she’s not happy about it. Lying doesn’t sit well with her. Xander will help too, by crashing the frat party to keep an eye on Buffy, you know, so we don’t forget about his creepy-intense crush on his BFF.

TNAFH, there is drinking, and drunk guys, and that cute guy Buffy met earlier, Tom. He seems like an ok sort, rescuing her from bizarre frat dating rituals and slow dancing with her with his hands at appropriate places on her body. She has a drink, maybe two, but she’s not really having that great of a time.

Despite Xander sneaking into the party to keep an eye on Buffy, he makes such a spectacle of himself that he’s immediately picked out of the crowd by the actual college guys. So when Buffy is stumbling around drugged and passing out, Xander is nowhere to help her.

Buffy and Cordelia come to in the basement, chained to the ceiling like Callie. They’re designated sacrifices for the demon the frat worships. The demon gives them wealth and power, they turn over a couple of chicks to eat every year.

Back in the library, Giles and Angel have determined that the missing girl ““ and other missing girls ““ are somehow connected to the frat. Though she’s hedged and tried to cover for the Buffster all night, Willow is forced to fess up that Buffy is at the party. And then she’s forced to defend Buffy against their collective disappointment ““ did neither of them learn anything after the season 1 finale?

The gang gets to the frat just in time:

WILLOW: Some guy’s attacking Buffy with a sword! Also, there’s a really big snake.

Angel, Giles, and (sorta) Xander fight their way into the basement, but Buffy has already managed to rip her chains out of the ceiling, punch Tom in his bastard face, and cut the giant snake-demon in half before it eats Cordelia. Not bad for a horror movie victim.

She does, however, feel a bit guilty about things:

BUFFY: I told one lie, I had one drink”¦

GILES: And you nearly got devoured by a giant demon-snake. I think the words “let that be a lesson” are a tad redundant at this juncture.

We’ll leave the last word to Cordelia:

You guys, I just really”¦ hate you guys, the weirdest things always happen around you!

WOW: The best thing about three shots on Buffy is that you get to see just a wall of the worst outfits put together on television. I’m going to nominate Buffy’s giraffe print pants as the actual winner of this week’s outfit contest, but this whole image is just an assault on the eyes.

See through lace shirt with dark bra and giraffe-print pants? Check. Lime green button-up with green plaid pants? Yep. Willow looks positively fashion-forward here.

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