“This is the worst day of my life. I wish I was dead. Even though I am, it doesn’t even matter.”

Ho, hum, another week, another episode of True Blood. As things go, this might be my favorite episode this season, which is faint praise indeed. The storylines are more compressed, there’s some fantastic lines, Nan shows up, and we get resolution on at least one story arc, while on the negative side, the Eric-Sookie romance looks damned indeed, and the show is so inconsistent, it can’t even decide what to call this episode (it’s listed as both “Run” and “Let’s Get Out of Here” on HBO’s website).

So last week, Sookie got shot in Operation Graveyard and is spirited back to her house by Alcide, until Bill rips her from his arms and finishes the 200-yard job. The situation is so dire that Sookie won’t even swallow Bill’s blood ““ she barely has any pulse, and she might die or something. The he-men put on their worried faces. They might even pray, since there’s a line about doing so. Oh, noes, what will happen? Yep, she just gets up the next morning. It’s like someone in the writers room remembered Sookie is the titular hero of this circus and quickly scrawled in “and then she wakes up.”


Sookie did manage to swallow some of Bill’s blood, so we are treated to a water-treading fantasy sequence that feels like Vaseline-lensed filler. There’s a lot to hate on in this fantasy three-way, not the least of which is the interminable length of the scene. As much as I’d like to excise it from my memory, there are a few nice touches worth mentioning — like the Morticia Addams beam of light across Sookie’s eyes or the snark Sookie lays down about morality. Two things are actually plot important. One, the image of Eric that Sook conjures up is not the passive little amnesia boy of this season, but Real Eric, which is a good indication that Sookie isn’t in love with just Eric Lite. Two, the expression on Sookie’s face when she wakes up is troubled, not cheesy. I hope this bodes well for the development of this triangle.

After being kicked out by both Hoyt and Jason last week, Jessica ends up at the mansion, where she pours out her tortured teenaged soul to Nan Flanagan. Nan Flanagan does not want to hear about your personal troubles. Nan Flanagan will eat your personal trouble’s face. Jessica cries through waiting with Nan, Bill and Nan’s fight in the office, through being tied down with silver, and through more Bill and Nan arguing in the dungeon. I feel Jessica. I believe every horrible, hitching cry.

Since Pam doesn’t make an appearance this episode, all of the best lines get given to Nan, who is, by the way, a boss.

“There have been times, I’ll admit, when it’s occurred to me that maybe I should put my career on hold and become a maker, but these last several hours here with you have erased those doubts forever.”

“I didn’t think it was possible, but you actually make me long for Queen Sophie-Anne. I mean, what the fuck, Bill?”

“And maybe those protests wouldn’t have turned into bloodbaths if they hadn’t been there. Have you ever considered that?”

Hoyt wakes up from his post-break-up bender and throws himself into ridding the house of every trace of Jessica, dumping all her stuff (Twilight novels, Good Housekeeping magazines, hair products, and Taylor Swift CDs) into a box labeled “For You, Monster.” I think the comma was my favorite bit. He’s interrupted by Lala–now Mavis ““ busting into the house carrying Mikey and Andy’s gun. Mavis quickly routes him out.

A good portion of the episode is dedicated to the resolution of the Pretty Ghost Lady story arc. Thanks to Jesus showing up and intervening, we learn that Mavis and her son were murdered by her lover and buried under a tree on the property. She just wants to be able to hold her child, who she mistook Mikey for. Jason, Hoyt, Jesus, Arlene and Terry (Andy is busy feeling bad about being a V-addict and mopes in the car) exhume the two corpses and then are able to send Mavis and her child on to the afterlife. I actually enjoyed these handful of scenes and thought there was some real heart in them. Plus, now we know Jesus can perform exorcisms! Certainly unlikely to come up again this year!

After helping Hoyt fix up the house, Jason gets guilted into taking the Monster Box to Jessica. The two of them have a bittersweet and awkward encounter, and Jason nobly refuses to come in. Between this week and last week, my estimation of Jason had ticked up several notches. I’m firmly Team Friend’s Booty Is Off-Limits Booty, so you can imagine how ticked off I was when there was a cut scene to Jason and Jessica having sex in the bed of his truck.

Marcus, the werewolf pack leader, is also Luna’s ex-husband. When Marcus finds Sam sniffing about his ex-wife and child, he shows up at Merlotte’s to have a man-to-man. Sam’s not there, so he has to make do with leaving a message with Tommy. Sam is actually on a camping date (“I’m a multiple tent owner. I’m kind of a big deal.”) with Luna, so he couldn’t have gotten the message about the meeting even if Tommy had intended on telling him about. Instead, Tommy-Sam shows up at Marcus’, says a bunch of horrible shit, and then gets wailed on so badly he shifts back into himself. Alcide has to pull the other wolves off him. I feel pretty confident in saying I don’t think Tommy wanted to come back from the meeting. He’s one messed up kid.

After the shitshow that was Operation Graveyard, Team Antonia is fractured. Everyone except Roy seems to realize they are in deep trouble, which gets deeper when Antonia shows up at Moon Goddess with Eric in tow. Antonia doesn’t care about their concerns, their fears, or their children. She is going to kill all the vampires, starting with the ones who show up for the “tolerance thing on the 29th.” (Thanks for reminding us, Previously-On!)  And no one will be leaving the building unless she says otherwise. She’ll melt your hand off if you try to escape.

Debbie, who stayed up all night watching Cheaters and fretting over Alcide when he was rescuing Sookie, decides that her best course of action involves falling off the wagon, and then descending on Sookie’s house to ask about Alcide. And then tops off her night by helping Sookie break into Moon Goddess, ratting her out to Antonia, and then driving the getaway car to the hotel the tolerance festival is being held in. I think this was a really tough 24 hours for Debbie.

Sookie runs through the crowded hotel, trying warn Bill that Eric is coming to kill him, but Antonia has beaten her there. She’s managed to gain control of the other three Louisiana sheriffs and uses them to create chaos, slaughtering Bill’s guards in full view of humans and video cameras. As the episode ends and Eric leaps out of his hiding place, Sookie does the only thing she can, “Run!”